I love sharing a rose and thorn with my kids at dinner time. I find they share so much more than if I just ask “How was your day?” Since we started sharing a rose and thorn it has become one of my favorite mindfulness techniques for kids.
What is a rose, thorn, and bud
The rose and thorn are mindfulness tools to help you and your kids reflect on their day or week.
A rose is something good that has happened.
A thorn is something bad, or challenging that has happened.
A bud is something that you are looking forward to.
It is really important to have frequent open conversations with your kids, but it’s often hard to get kids to talk. By sharing a rose/ thorn/ or bud daily you offer an easy way to start that daily conversation.
How/ when to talk about this to your kids
Dinner is my favorite time to chat with my kids about their rose and thorn, but families that eat on the go or in front of the TV might want to choose: the drive home from school, during a daily walk, or during a break from homework. There’s no wrong time to share a rose and thorn so do what works best for your family! It will be worth it to work this mindfulness techniques for kids into your day!
Why this mindfulness techniques for kids gets them talking
Asking kids to share a rose, thorn, or bud makes the conversation really simple for them. They have something specific to share, and that specific tidbit of information often opens up to more of a discussion and more sharing opportunities.
Have you ever noticed this:
What did you do today? I don’t know.
What did you learn today? I don’t know.
For kids a question like “how was your day” is often too open-ended and they have a hard time coming up with an answer (which is why they always tell you “I don’t know.” It’s not really that they don’t know, it’s that their brain is having trouble organizing and finding the information to share). This can be even more challenging for neugodivergent kids!
Can’t have a rose garden without thorns
I love that the rose and thorn technique encourages kids to talk about the good, bad, and the ugly. It’s so important for kids to experience their whole rainbow of emotions, and to learn that “thorns” are a normal part of any rose garden.
(if you want to learn more about helping kids cope with emotions check out https://travelingchalkboard.com/coping-with-emotions/ )
I have noticed that my daughter, who has always been sensitive about getting in trouble or being told no, has started talking about her challenges more instead of just sulking/ hiding when she’s upset. My son has also opened up about sharing challenges at school and we’ve actually figured out the causes to some behavioral issues his teachers have noticed because he shared feelings/ struggles with us that we never would have known about otherwise. When I was a kid I was bullied and I didn’t know how to talk about the challenges I was having at school, so I didn’t talk about them. My parents had no idea what was going on until one of my friends came forward and told them. I’m hoping that by sharing a thorn my kids will know that it is safe to come to me with any challenges they face and that they will have a way of bringing up the topic.
Fun Additions
Once you have gotten into a routine of sharing roses and thorns with your kids, make some adjustments to personalize it for your family! My son came up with the idea of sharing what he calls a “water and sunshine.” He wanted to share times when he had used his mindfulness techniques to prevent a thorn from happening. He named it water and sunshine, because he recognized that his mindfulness tools could help create a new rose!
Some other ideas to add (don’t forget to get creative when naming them)
- Worries
- Memories
- Plans/ ideas
- Good deeds
- Proud moments
Want your kids to develop a growth mindset? Check out my Brain Power classes on Outschool!
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